Will you blow on my dice?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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