just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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