How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize