No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
