The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize