At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm passing your future prison.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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