If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
