I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
