Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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