I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
