I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize