Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
