you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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