hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
