if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
