nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
