meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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