I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
