she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
