just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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