so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
