the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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