Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
