glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
