Sry I called you an 8
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
