Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
