He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
