does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
