I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
