Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
