You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
