You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He shit in the fireplace
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
