My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
