The maid of honor just puked.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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