Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
