I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
