Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
