Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
