Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
