i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
