You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
