I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
