Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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