Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
