You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
