Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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