I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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