Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
