I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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