Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
