i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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