You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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