she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We're too hungover to prance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
