OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
