he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
