i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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