Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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