I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
