it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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