I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
