that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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