Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
