Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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