id be glad to
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
