Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
