jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
