It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
