I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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