I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
