ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
