No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
