Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
third nipple confirmed
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
