my mouth tastes like poor choices
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
